Lately I have been offering quite a few sessions both online and “live” here in the Netherlands, for individuals and couples, which has inspired me to share with you what I often encountered in these meetings.
What has been transpiring mostly is the theme of intimate relationships and how many of us have lost contact to the primary relationship, the one with our own precious being, and instead looking for approval, love and appreciation outside of ourselves.
This pattern starts very early in our life in the intimate setting of our family, where many of us, who are energetically sensitive beings and empaths, like myself, have been making other people and their feelings more important than our own. Thus leaving ourselves constantly, until this becomes an ingrained pattern that follows us into the grownup relationships, where we find ourselves in emotional co-dependency. Trying to get the other to give us the love that we are so yearning for, or not being able to express our needs in fear of being rejected, or simply making our partner so important that if he or she decides to end the relationship, our whole world crumbles… just to mention a few examples.
It is amazing that most of us can be well-functional grown-ups in many areas of our life, but when it comes to our intimate relating, we feel so small, unable to express what is inside and hiding our true beings.
So the first step I guide people into, is to re-establish the connection to their own inner soul being, visualizing it inside the heart space and to make it more tangible, seeing the soul, or the innocence that we are, dressed up as a little child. And then finding the words, sentences of gratitude, of love, of compassion, of approval, of appreciation that this sweet one is longing to hear. As well as words of forgiveness, especially if there has been a pattern of having abandoned one self.
These are some of the sentences I often hear:
- “Thank you for being here”
- “I am here for you”
- “I am sorry that I have hurt you, by not being there for you”
- “You are safe now”
- ” I love you”
- “You are ok just as you are”
- “You are beautiful”
- “I will never leave you again”
- “You are the most precious one in my life”
Or it can be words that the person was longing to hear as a child or now as a grown-up from their intimate partner.
When these sentences are repeated on a daily base, it anchors a new foundation within, where you are your own best caretaker, best friend and beloved. Realizing you are the One for you and giving yourself these daily love statements, breaks the cycle of emotional co-dependency with other people and brings you truly home. If there is an outer relationship in your life, it is seen as a bonus and not something that, if it is not there, you are lost.
It reminds me of an experience, I had when I turned 40 and my partner at the time, who was supposed to be there for my big celebration, couldn’t suddenly be there. I was devastated as this meant so much to me, I remember going out in nature, crying my heart out as I faced the pain of him not standing at my side and suddenly realizing that I was the one who was not standing at my own side. This really shifted something in me and I had the most amazing party, celebrating my new-found love, my Self.
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