Sometimes it is difficult to express certain feelings to your beloved, especially when it triggers deep fears or pain inside us. When this happens, we often react with blame towards our beloved, trying to avoid feeling what is really there.
This kind of fears and pain are usually well buried inside of us and we are usually not conscious about them. That is why it is not easy to recognize them. When they arise, all we want is to avoid feeling them. When we become aware of the hidden fear or pain, it is amazing to see all the strategies that we are undertaking to avoid feeling them. Like blaming our beloved for the things we don’t like to feel, thinking that if he or she changes, it will make us feel better. Basically, what we are doing is stepping into our victim mode, giving away the responsibility of what we feel and pointing out all the things that should be different and that unfortunately we can’t control.
We are trying to change our uncomfortable experiences by changing what our beloved does or says, thinking that if he or she changes, that it is going to change our experience. It’s like saying: “please change how you act, to make me less likely to blame you. If you can make it more difficult for me to blame you, I would hate you less…”
This kind of reaction really shows the level of fear that is behind such a behavior, and most of us don’t realize how much fear we carry inside us. When we hide ourselves behind layers of protections to avoid to feel the pain, we close our heart, to ourselves and to our beloved and we prevent more love, more joy and more trust to come into our life and into our relationships.
It really takes a lot of courage to show our vulnerability instead of blaming others. For me, even being familiar with the mechanisms of protections, doesn’t always prevent me to react with blame toward my beloved. But for sure, when it happens it doesn’t take long time anymore, before I can allow myself to really feel what is going on and share about it from a vulnerable place. Showing her more of who I really am and allowing her to come closer to me, in very intimate parts of my inner being that nobody has entered before, sometimes not even myself.
Here is a good map for all lovers: as long as you want to affect or change the other person in any way, you are in protection, not in vulnerability. In protection mode, it might feel more safe in the moment, but in we are actually blocking the love current. Not only with your beloved, but also with yourself and with the universe.
I am fascinated by the profound healing and expansion of consciousness that can happen in love relationships, as long as we are willing to look into ourselves, to face our deepest fears, and to be vulnerable in front of our beloved.
“Many years ago I was quite lost and confused about my relationships with men and I felt I didn’t have a clue how to create true intimacy. I went on a quest and discovered so many diamonds that transformed my love relationships into a catalyst for my own growth and evolution. From all these years of exploration, experiences and research, I have created Living Intimacy – The Path of the Beloved, a series of 4 retreats for lovers that I guide together with Elie.” Marya Norell
Each retreat addresses a different theme, building on the previous one, and still is complete in itself, so you can choose to take the whole program or book them individually.
If you are currently in a relationship and want to deepen it and give it the most uplifting and transforming experience, then this program might be the next step for you and your beloved. Living Intimacy brings a unique blend in relationship dynamics, co-dependency, conscious relating, tantra, tao and heart-centered spirituality.
We also offer one-day immersions for lovers. This day will give you a taste of the Living Intimacy – Path of the Beloved 4-retreat journey. It is also an opportunity to give yourself a one-day immersion together with your beloved.
The Living Intimacy journey is for us the most beautiful and profound way to bring more love, aliveness and power into our life. To also attract more of what we are longing for and let go of old patterns that prevent our light to shine fully. Living Intimacy is a journey where we open to more compassion, connection and complicity with our partner, as we learn to love ourselves more and open the doors to our soul to express the uniqueness of who we really are.